Identity Gaps
Before
reading these articles in different IIC courses, I sometimes thought to myself that there
had to be something wrong with me because I couldn’t socially interact with
certain people; it made me feel like I had some kind of personality disorder.
However, this article helped me understand why it is I feel like this. Orbe et al define identity gaps as, “an identity gap refers to the differences between or
among different frames of identity” (2010, p. 306). It is because I
am this third culture kid, stuck between a mesh of two cultures and fending on
my own to find a balanced path to follow between the two worlds. I find myself
feeling much more comfortable amongst other Latinos, and feeling very
uncomfortable amongst White Americans and having to adopt this “American Yessy”
personality. I don’t act like the person I truly am with people I don’t feel comfortable
with. I mentioned to my professor how I can’t wait to graduate from DU as soon
as possible because it’s such a strain to have to always adopt this “American
Yessy” and it makes me feel tense and alien with myself and I become very introverted
with my classmates. It’s almost like on pilot mode that I become this person I
am not when I enter a mainly White environment, and I have yet to understand
why that happens and if there will ever be a time when I can just be myself,
Yessy, the Coloradicana that loves to speak Spanish and Spanglish and say
things without being judged and hug everyone I meet and ask them how their day
was and spend hours talking together and make silly Mexican jokes that everyone
would understand. I’m not saying I wish everyone could be more Latino, but I
wish there wasn’t so much separation between races and ethnicities to the point that those
who aren’t part of the majority are forced to adapt an identity they do not
like. I love how it is described in the Chen article, "Ultimately, I want to return to the place where I had felt myself to be part of a culture of belonging - to a place where I could feel at home, a landscape of memory, thought, and imagination" (Chen, 2010, p. 492).
Resources
Chen, Victoria. (2010). Authenticity and Identity in the Portable Homeland. 483 - 494.
Orbe, P. Mark, Urban, L. Ewa. (August 2010). Identity Gaps of Contemporary U.S. Immigrants: Acknowledging Divergent Communicative Experiences. V. 61, 3. 304 – 320.
Orbe, P. Mark, Urban, L. Ewa. (August 2010). Identity Gaps of Contemporary U.S. Immigrants: Acknowledging Divergent Communicative Experiences. V. 61, 3. 304 – 320.
Yessy, thank you for being so open and sharing with us. My boyfriend is Honduran, I am White—although it has not been until recently that I have had to self identify as such. I find that outsiders in our relationship often impose certain identities on us, without knowing our situation or us in the slightest. I find that often, too often, we like you described, become something we are not to allow a comfortable script for our relationship. It seems that some situations we change how we interact but not in a natural way. I do not know why this is, maybe so those around us feel more at ease? We have both spent time in each other’s respective homes and met childhood friends. In both situations, the friends very much stereotyped our partner. I can only hope that the exposure to us, as a couple, brings change to the reality of naivety and ignorance. I agree with your hope. I too hope (and corny, I know, but dream) of a world in which ethnicity and races are all respected and that no individual identity is forced to become something else. How incredible a world where we celebrate difference would be! I also hope you know, I will be asking for a hug in class tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your struggles, Yessy. Spending some one on one time with you, your warmth and outgoing nature is contagious. It's sad that our society, and particularly the academic environment, makes you feel like you need to act as "American Yessy." We love the Yessy that you are!!! Having worked in a law firm for the last five years with everyone from Latin or Hispanic background, I felt the need to be "Mexican Jessica." I understand the pressure of language, customs and communication patterns and how straining that can be. I couldn't imagine having to deal with that AND being a graduate student simultaneously. Know that our class supports you, and wants you to be the Yessy you are.
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